Every event in this contest will involve The Moby, a 3 foot long dildo that weighs 56 pounds! eXtreme Restraints, a fine purveyor of sex toys and kinky gear for over 20 years, was generous enough to sponsor our contest with an additional Moby so we will have two for the contest!  You can find all of their excellent products at their website (18+ only):  https://www.extremerestraints.com/

Here's a picture of a normal sized dude holding one for reference: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fYMGO7gfzmST3dm8y1p1XKkOYqs_rnu1/view?usp=share_link

Here's a picture of me holding one (I'm 5'8" and roughly 320lbs):  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CgwZjp-vzCjodFiwSIriITX3S0IJgk2z/view?usp=share_link  

Finally, here it is next to my 12" steel log:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/13aYb_Q9gBO-biIrCryzzBDTjmarUAL6v/view?usp=share_link

Yes, this is 100% real.  This is a crazy sport with crazy people and this just seemed way too epic for me not to make it happen. Obviously, this is not exactly a kid friendly event, unless you're cool with your child being exposed to giant rubber dicks flying through the air, etc., in which case, it's all good.

How does someone even think of a contest like this? I'm glad you asked. A friend sent me a video of a senior prank where they glued one of these things to the floor and covered it in oil.  It was absolutely epic.  Video here - not the same one I was sent, but you'll get the idea (sign in required for age verification): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPqGBq4cR-4  Anyway, around the same time I saw this video, the Strongest Woman in the World contest was being held up in Alaska and they had a salmon toss  event involving a 50 pound rubber salmon.  Me being me, my mind immediately made the connection between the salmon and the giant rubber schlong.  Thus, the craziest strongman contest in history was born.  Just took me a couple of years to round out the slate of events and find a venue willing to host it.   

Facebook Event Page:  https://www.facebook.com/events/927084129108456

Given my history of getting banned on Facebook, I will probably post most updates to this page in addition to posting there.  

International folks (or folks who just want to be different):  You can pay me through venmo (@Chris-Vachio) or Cash App ($ChrisVachio). I'll need your email address, division, and shirt size so I can put you on the list manually.  

HOTEL INFORMATION: The closest option is the Deer Creek Lodge and Conference Center. There are also camping options at Deer Creek as well. Very cool state park. It’s about 10 minutes from the venue. Everywhere else is 20-25 minutes away, unfortunately. To the North is Grove City, South is Washington Courthouse, and South East is Circleville. They all have decent food options, with Grove City having the most diversity. 

AFTER PARTY: Planning on going to Hammer Time in Mount Sterling shortly after the conclusion of the show. It’s the local bar and grill. Great food (especially the burgers and buffalo chicken sandwich) and drinks. 27 S London St, Mt Sterling, OH 43143

Be sure to support our sponsors! 

eXtreme Restraints - 

  Website:  https://www.extremerestraints.com/

  Twitter: @XrRestraints

  Instagram:  @xrestraints

Burlesque Bakery Shoppe - 

  Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/BurlesqueBakery/

  Instagram:  @burlesquebakery 

LeMaster Barbell Company - 

  Website: https://lemasterbarbell.com/

  Instagram: @lemasterbarbell

Shameless self-promotion: I started a page on passes to share videos of various strength feats using The Moby. Already have at least an hour's worth of videos on there, with more being added every week or two as I dream up more goofy shit to do with these things. If you find this kind of stuff funny, please think about signing up! https://www.passes.com/thatstrongd1ldoguy

FOR ALL EVENTS: No tacky. Nobody likes a sticky dick. Sleeves, wraps, gloves, belts, grip shirts are all allowed. We plan to run two lanes for the Glory Hold and one lane for the rest. Might be able to get two lanes going for the Ring Around The Ding-a-ling if I can scare up another sled. 

Event #1: Ring Around The Ding-a-ling- Each athlete will have three attempts to throw a tire and ring it around the Moby which will be mounted on a Rogue Echo dog sled along with a couple 100lb plates. Like horseshoes…just with a giant rubber dick and a tire. Just like the pilgrims used at the first Thanksgiving. It will be a regular tire and you may throw from either 10 feet away or 20 feet away. Points will be given for successful ring or the tire landing on the sled. From 10 feet: 1 point for the sled, 4 points for a ring. From 20 feet away: 2 points for the sled, 8 points for a ring. Most points in the fewest number of successful throws wins. So if Tina gets a ring from 10 feet away and Jane gets two sleds from 20 feet away, Tina gets the win even though they had the same points. Here's a video of me trying it from 10 feet away:  https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3da4yutv2c

Event #2:Double Decker Pecker Wrecker – Athletes will have 60 seconds to press the dildos on a Viking Press apparatus as many times as possible. I’m still testing the weights and how the dildos work on my Viking Press. At present, the open men’s classes will have the dildos on the handles (plus any needed weight) and everyone else will have a single dildo strapped to the top of the apparatus (plus any needed weight). Here’s a video of me doing it the “dildo on top” way: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmC1oBqAv8v

Event #3: Twin Tallywacker Tug – What’s better than a deadlift? A deadlift with two giant dildos on the ends of bar, of course! 13 inch deadlift on an axle. Max reps in 60 seconds. Straps and suits are allowed. Typical deadlift rules apply. Must weight for a down call on each rep. Bouncing at the bottom is OK, but if any “appendages” fall off, the athlete will have to put them back on and time will not stop. Apologies to the ladies in the lighter classes, this one might be a bit on the heavy side. The axle I have is 86lbs empty, the wheels are 45 each, and the dildos are 52lbs each, so the lightest possible weight is 278lbs. 

Event #4: The Glory Hold - Two-handed front hold for max time.  Standard front hold rules apply.  We'll have you hold it over a box, as soon as the base hits the box after being lifted, time will be taken.  Isn't 50 pounds kinda heavy for the women? Yes, it is.  Unfortunately, this was the lightest 3 foot dildo I could find.  One size fits all...   Here's an artist’s rendering of how this event might look in action:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LzaiLfRdw8U-B-8tGB-X_W3AYEtkSrgL/view?usp=share_link

Event #5: Weenie Waddle - Husafel carry for 60 feet with a turn at 30 feet, 60 second time limit.  The Moby will make up the last 50 pounds of each weight.  That's why 215 is the lightest weight - Husa = 165lbs, Moby = 50.  It will start with the peen sticking straight up (aka “fully erect”) but it may flop down. Athlete must cross the finish line along with the implement.  Best time or best distance wins. Here’s the viral video from last year’s contest: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cr8wqg3g7na    

Event #6:Shuttle the Cocks – Either a farmer’s carry or a frame carry with the Mobys loaded onto the apparatus. Frame if I can get my hands on the front-loading frame I want, farmers if not. Weights will be roughly the same in either case. Distance will be 60 feet, but with farmers, there will probably be a turn at 30 feet because…reasons. Weights listed on the grid are farmers per hand/frame, depending on which one we have. I'll update this when I know for sure which one. 

Tie-breaker Event:  Docking Duel - MAS wresting using the giant dildo.  If you're not familiar with MAS wrestling, it's basically tug-of-war with a stick. We'll just be using a 3 foot long rubber penis as the stick.  Best of 3 wins.  Will have to do some testing on this one as I'm not certain we'll be able to do it horizontally as with MAS.  It's very possible instead of choosing "inside or outside", you'll have to choose "Head or Balls".  Will update later after we get some testing done.  EDIT: Horizontal actually works best. There's not much inside/outside so we'll just have people overlap hands and pull away.  

Weigh-Ins: Planning on the morning of the contest at the venue from 9am to 10:30am.  This is a fun, goofy, off the wall contest that's unsanctioned, so please don't do a crazy water cut or anything.  I'm not going to be super duper strict on the weigh-ins.  

Awards: They will be appropriately contest themed for the top 3 placers.  :)