Yes, this is 100% real.  This is a crazy sport with crazy people and this just seemed way too epic for me not to make it happen. Obviously, this is not exactly a kid friendly event, unless you're cool with your child being exposed to giant rubber dicks flying through the air, etc., in which case, it's all good.

Every event in this contest will involve The Moby, a 3 foot long dildo that weighs 56 pounds! eXtreme Restraints, a fine purveyor of sex toys and kinky gear for over 20 years, was generous enough to sponsor our contest with an additional Moby so we will have two for the contest!  You can find all of their excellent products at their website (18+ only):  https://www.extremerestraints.com/

Here's a picture of a normal sized dude holding one for reference: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fYMGO7gfzmST3dm8y1p1XKkOYqs_rnu1/view?usp=share_link

Here's a picture of me holding one (I'm 5'8" and was roughly 320lbs at the time the pic was taken, I'm more svelte now):  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CgwZjp-vzCjodFiwSIriITX3S0IJgk2z/view?usp=share_link  

Finally, here it is next to my 12" steel log:  https://drive.google.com/file/d/13aYb_Q9gBO-biIrCryzzBDTjmarUAL6v/view?usp=share_link

Facebook Event Page:  https://www.facebook.com/events/1592979034922565/  

How does someone even think of a contest like this? I'm glad you asked. A friend sent me a video of a senior prank where they glued one of these things to the floor and covered it in oil.  It was absolutely epic.  Video here - not the same one I was sent, but you'll get the idea (sign in required for age verification): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPqGBq4cR-4  Anyway, around the same time I saw this video, the Strongest Woman in the World contest was being held up in Alaska and they had a salmon toss  event involving a 50 pound rubber salmon.  Me being me, my mind immediately made the connection between the salmon and the giant rubber schlong.  Thus, the craziest strongman contest in history was born.  Now we're on to our 3rd year, with crazier events and even more fun and laughter than before. 

Athlete Cap: There is a 30 athlete cap for this event. My barn is 1800sqft, so it's a good-sized place, but still not massive. I've seen more people crammed into smaller places, but I want this to be a fun event, not a sardine can with giant dildos. 

International folks (or folks who just want to be different):  You can pay me through venmo (@Chris-Vachio) or Cash App ($ChrisVachio). I'll need your email address, division, and shirt size so I can put you on the list manually.  

Weigh-Ins: Planning on the morning of the contest at the venue from 9am to 10:30am.  This is a fun, goofy, off the wall contest that's unsanctioned, so please don't do a crazy water cut or anything.  I'm not going to be super duper strict on the weigh-ins.  

Awards: They will be appropriately contest themed for the top 3 placers.  :)  

HOTEL INFORMATION: The closest option is the Deer Creek Lodge and Conference Center. There are also camping options at Deer Creek as well. Very cool state park. It’s about 10 minutes from the venue. Everywhere else is 20-25 minutes away, unfortunately. To the North is Grove City, South is Washington Courthouse, and South East is Circleville. They all have decent food options, with Grove City having the most diversity. 

AFTER PARTY: Planning on going to Hammer Time in Mount Sterling shortly after the conclusion of the show. It’s the local bar and grill. Great food (especially the burgers and buffalo chicken sandwich) and drinks. 27 S London St, Mt Sterling, OH 43143

Be sure to support our sponsors! 

eXtreme Restraints - 

  Website:  https://www.extremerestraints.com/

  Twitter: @XrRestraints

  Instagram:  @xrestraints  

FOR ALL EVENTS: No tacky. Nobody likes a sticky dick. Sleeves, wraps, gloves, belts, grip shirts are all allowed. We may do two lanes for the Kiev Cock Crane. And we can probably have two dicks being thrown at once for Schlong Sling. The rest will be single file...to hide our numbers.  

Event #1: Kiev Cock Crane – A Ukranian deadlift with a giant dildo. Just as the deadlifting gods intended! Still testing this one out. It's either going to be a max event or max reps with a choice of weights. Probably the latter, but we'll see. Grab the giant rubber dick as best you can, lift the weight up, wait for the down command. No straps. Don't really care about suits. Athletes will have 60 seconds  if it's a max rep event, 30 seconds per attempt if it's a max weight. Here’s a video of me trying it out:  https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBcZqq1RGFj/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Event #2: Bamboo Ball Buster - Each athlete will have 60 seconds to complete as many "clean" and presses as possible. There will be a bamboo bar with a Moby on each end. The athlete may choose either to press from jerk blocks or from the floor. The bar must come into contact with either the blocks or the floor after each rep. Each rep from the floor counts as 2 reps, each rep from the blocks will count as one. It's only going to be about 110-ish lbs. We tried a couple of ways to add weight, but nothing we came up with safe, so straight dildos for reps it is. The floor clean is tricky because the dildos, being not calibrated for lifting as they are, don't rotate super well. Most "reps" win. As always, wait for the down signal and you must be completely locked out with your feet in line and not moving to get the call.  Here's a video of me trying it out:  https://www.instagram.com/reel/DEvM6EBvUSR/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==  

Event #3: The Wheel of  Peen – What’s better than a Conan's Wheel? A Conan's Wheel with a giant rubber dick on the end of it! Crom totally would have preferred this to whatever the hell is was Conan was doing in the original movie. Cradle the Moby in your arms, stand up with the weight, then walk in a circle until you see Jesus and he asks "Seriously...what the hell is wrong with you?" Max distance in 60 seconds. Here's a video of me trying it out in a confined space the day I thought of it:  https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBW1EhLxsKU/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Event #4: Weenie Waddle - Husafel carry for 60 feet with a turn at 30 feet, 60 second time limit.  The Moby will make up the last 50 pounds of each weight.  That's why 215 is the lightest weight - Husa = 165lbs, Moby = 50.  It will start with the peen sticking straight up (aka “fully erect”) but it may flop down. Athlete must cross the finish line along with the implement.  Best time or best distance wins. Here’s the viral video from first year’s contest: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cr8wqg3g7na    

Event #5: The Schlong Sling - Each athlete will have three attempts to throw the Moby as far as possible (Yes, this is basically the same event from year one, just with a different name).  Backwards, forwards, chest pass, all fine.  You may hold it by the head, the balls, the shaft...whatever you want.  You may take a running start up to the line before you throw.  Spinning is allowed this year. There will be no windows nearby to worry about. Spectators...if you find yourself in the path of a flying dildo, duck! 

Tie-breaker Event: TBD. We'll either do the dildo mas wrestling, the glory hold from last year, or a completely new one that involves beating a large tire with a large rubber dick. Gotta test the last one out at some point, so we'll see.